New York Times Says AIRPLANES Committed 9/11 Attacks

Here I was thinking it was radical Islamists.

Those damn airplanes, man. Don’t you hate when they just hijack themselves with hundreds of people on board, navigate themselves to New York City and Washington, D.C., and crash themselves into buildings occupied by thousands of people, resulting in the deaths of 2,996 innocent Americans?

I sure do.

I hate it when airplanes commit the worst terrorist attack on American soil, just like I hate it when guns commit mass shootings.

So when The New York Times, America’s esteemed “paper of record,” bashed those awful transportation mechanisms for the tragedy that was 9/11, I was in full agreement with them.

“18 years have passed since airplanes took aim and brought down the World Trade Center,” The Times said in a tweet. “Today, families will once again gather and grieve at the site where more than 2,000 people died.”

Upon reading that tweet, I couldn’t help but nod in agreement.

“Those airplanes sure are awful,” I thought. “We ought to really consider banning them in the name of airplane control. They’ve caused enough damage.”

But then I began thinking. What if it wasn’t just the airplanes that were at fault on 9/11? Maybe there’s more to the story than that. So I pulled up www dot Google dot com, and as any good reporter does, I did my research.

To my surprise, there was more to the story than The New York Times had let on. As it turns out, the airplanes had co-conspirators – 19 of them, in fact. Curiosity piqued, I dug deeper – getting into the nitty gritty of this whole journalism thing.

Not only did the airplanes have 19 co-conspirators in their vicious attacks on innocent Americans, but those 19 co-conspirators actually belonged to the same organization.

Now, here’s where the story gets really crazy.

The organization, called al-Qaeda, is both a religious and political group, largely based in the Middle East, though sometimes its members wander West, as they did on 9/11. They practice an ideology called “Islam.” Al-Qaeda’s members believe that a false god called “Allah” has put them on earth for one purpose, and one purpose only. To destroy everyone who does not believe in “Allah,” and convert those whom it does not destroy into believers. There’s actually a term for this struggle: it’s called “jihad.”

On 9/11, those 19 members of Al-Qaeda decided that is was time to carry out “Allah’s” plan for them, and to destroy as many “infidels” (a term believers in “Allah” use to describe non-believers in “Allah”) as possible. So they got together with the airplanes, and after using box-cutters to storm the cockpits and take control, they navigated the planes into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. One even crash-landed in Pennsylvania after the brave Americans on board decided to fight back against the will of “Allah.”

So, it wasn’t just the airplanes that caused 9/11 after all. There were actually some really bad people involved: people who stole the airplanes and used them as weapons. Thank goodness for independent journalism, because if you had to rely solely on The New York Times, you’d never get the full story.

Don’t worry, though.

The paper eventually deleted its Tweet solely blaming the airplanes, and edited it “for clarity.”

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